We had a spare hour today - a brilliant moment of calm as 2 design projects were signed off and went to the printers and a merchandising order started production at the factory leaving us with about 4 dozen trade magazines to catch up on and some sales catalogues to flick through.

I therefore (some would say 'stupidly') accepted a dare from the 2IC at Athlone to match my creative efforts from about a month ago. She upped the ante for round 2 however. The new rules: strictly 30 minutes to pen a 'story' (for want of a better word) using every horse's name that appeared in the latest order of entry (29/12) for the $100,000 Malaysia Airlines Magic Millions Maiden Plate to be run at the Gold Coast on Saturday, January 14. Strictly no dictionary/thesaurus/Google search or lifelines allowed.

I failed to include 2 (actually make that 3) names and lost a few points for my use of DREWLICIOUS apparently so I regret to say that I didn't win the bet (as a result am now stuck with the drinks bill this evening ... luckily it's a small office).

Anyway - this is what I came up with:

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What was it about a Friday afternoon teaching law students - so far from the airbrushed TV images that LA Law would have you believe made every lawyer an eminently SEXY BEAST; a true PRIME JEWEL of human intellect. No doubt just some Hollywood LADY'S OPINION. Still, I had bills to pay.

But boy did the IQ's grate and oh, for the RECORD, how I longed to take a SMART SHOT at these 27 HONOUR BRIGHTs who believed they were the HIGH PEAK of grey matter.

Why not a return to youth then and a DREWLICIOUS spelling test?

I had a SECRET CACHE of difficult words up my sleeve, ok I will admit it - anything to reduce this LOUD horde, so FULL OF ZEST on this final day of term - to a more genteel level.

“A simple test,” I offered with a sly smile, tapping my desk for silence.

I opened my attack. “Spell TENFUHRCENT” I stated (conscious that this would either work or I would be the LAUGHING POINT of the entire university for the next month).

There was a brief pause as pens paused above notebooks. MARY'S HALO looked momentarily like slipping.

“TIRDLETTER .... REDOUBTABLEMPEROR.... MIMIDAE ... oh come now,” I said with the faintest hint of lofty scorn, “you look STARTLED HUNTER”.

The INNOCENT LAD looked, momentarily, as if a CLASH might ensue ...

“DR DUJON said you were a bright lot,” I lamented. “All right, let's make it easier, how about some trivial pursuit questions then?”

They looked relieved. Silent gratitude perhaps.

“Define FIDEISM,” I said craftily. “Next, write down who was the best singer in GIRLZONE, and whilst you are at it you had better know what historical era BELTINSKI belonged to. For an extra 10 points - jot down the name of the thoroughbred breeding expert and theorist, who was known for popularizing the dosage index - starts with R.”

“RASMUSSEN!” shouted RUMBIRD (so named because of her attraction to all things Carribean).

“RED MESHASH was the term for which French neighbourhood,” I continued, casting a frosty look in her direction. “Is FUSH a vegetable, mineral - or just retail - and who flew the FLYING DANSINO across what ocean in 1948?”

CREATIVE SOUNDS of ... what's this? Silence? I laughed to myself. Ride the BAY WAVES of mediocrity oh you of the same, I thought with glee; the smug satisfaction of victory.

Forgive me colleagues... I have bills to pay - sometimes we just have to do WHATEVER IT TAKES.

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